Poem: Mormon Guy

Mormon Guy

O, Mormon Guy, Mormon Guy!
You start your sermon talking
about staying up too late
to watch BYU football.

You didn’t want to answer
your phone when the bishop called.
Har! Har! You’re only kidding!
No, you’re happy to be here.

Before you get going, you’ll
introduce your family.
You met your wife in Rexburg;
she is the love of your life.

You have three sons—they’re handfuls—
Cadex, Conner, and Colton,
and one daughter, Caitlyn, who
is the apple of your eye.

You want me to know that there
are no coincidences,
you’ve been seriously blessed,
and this is the greatest ward.

You know that God will always
tell you what you need to do.
He told you what job to take,
who to wed, and where to live.

That thing that seemed really bad
was actually the best
thing that could happen to you.
God’s hand is tricky like that.

The other day he told you
to take a different road
on your way home from work and
you were on time for dinner.

Yes, God’s hand is never not
pushing the faithful where they
need to be standing to get
the most blessings from heaven.

So he pushed you here today
to get up and speak to us,
and you say these things in the
name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

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