Why was everyone so grossed out on my way up and so complimentary on my way down?
All in Nonsense
Poem: The Plan
The Lord works in mysterious ways his wonders to perform (or not).
Poem: How? Why?
To embrace the mystery is to embrace the pooch behind it.
Poem: The Greatest
Discover the greatest of the three.
Poem: The Prodigal Sun
Both sons and suns go away — and come back.
Poem: Mormonisms: A Testimony Meeting
If you’ve ever been, you’ll get it.
Poem: Trial by Ordeal
Of all Job’s many afflictions, one particular affliction still endures. Read on.
Chart: People Who Can Dunk
A chart explaining the yap gap.
Poem: Bumper Sticker
Of all Job’s many afflictions, one particular affliction still endures. Read on.
Chart: People Who Run Marathons
A chart explaining the intricate art of detecting the people who run marathons.
Poem: If Only...
I need my phone! I really, really need my phone!
Chart: Men Who Wear Necklaces
A chart explaining the rules about men in necklaces and the sole exception to the rule.
Poem: Fart Doctor
Is there a doctor in the house? Because someone seems to be very ill.
Poem: Pooping Bird (Or Karmic Payback for Playing Surfing Bird for Twenty Minutes on the Eat-a-Burger Jukebox)
Karmic payback for the time we played Surfing Bird on the Eat-a-Burger jukebox for twenty minutes straight.
Chart: Tolerability of Kids
A chart explaining the tolerability of children. I’ve found few exceptions to this rule.
Poem: Fart Butler
Someday when my ship comes in, I’ll finally have all that I want.
Vignette: Letters to God #12
Letter Twelve, in which I deal with my existential crises by letting God off the hook because God never asked for this.
Vignette: Letters to God #11
Letter Eleven, in which I deal with my existential crises by wondering if I’m simply talking to myself.
Vignette: Letters to God #10
Letter Ten, in which I deal with my existential crises by wondering if I’m fishing.
Vignette: Letters to God #9
Letter Nine, in which I deal with my existential crises by almost sounding grateful. Weird.